Friends

     When we met we discussed our different strategies involving friends. We all agreed that who are kids are friends with is one of the most important things to us. Our discussion centered around the feeling that bad friend choices were just too important that we couldn't give that control over to our kids. The Love and Logic literature does advocate releasing that control, and instead trying to help our kids navigate their choices. Jim Faye says, "One of the biggest mistakes we parents make is getting into a control battle with our kids over who their friends are. We'll lose that one every time. Because we can't win that battle, we should keep our mouths shut and take a different tack. We should concentrate on the areas we can control." 

      We have always told our kids that they are welcome to bring anyone over to our house as long as they teach their friends how to treat their siblings well. We won't have friends over that aren't nice to younger siblings. I'm still going to stick with that. We don't let our kids go over to kids houses that we don't know, or aren't sure of what type of influence they will be. I'm not going to change that because there are just too many things out there I don't want them exposes to.  Love and Logic suggests that you tell your kids that you can pick friends we approve of and then play with those friends at our house, or pick friends we don't approve of and then not be allowed to bring them over. 

       Another important thought that Jim Faye has is that if we communicate that we don't like our kids friend choices, we are saying that we are afraid that the attitudes, beliefs, or habits of their friends will rub off on them. It tells them that they can't do their own thinking. I can see how this could be a pretty damaging message. He says that ultimately can make the friends more exciting and desirable. I can see how this could be true. He instead advocates having a dialogue with your child where you express a desire that some of your child rubs off on the other kids. Explaining that you hope they will be a good influence on them. 

     I think a great solution is if all our kids are just friends with each other! I can't wait to hear more about what you all think about this topic.